@actuallyautistic The tool that provides me the most soothing, other than alcohol? A vest weight 20 pounds/9kg weight centered on my solar plexus.

I wish alcohol wasn't so effective. Lorazepam is not good for me. Even at its smaller dose, it only removes some of the meltdown/overload but then I am sad and sleepy the entire following day.

I'll be asking my mental health NP about alternatives next week. I'm not comfortable with alcohol as a first or even second line "medication".

I've had some luck with this vest, certain video games (autonomy, agency, and predictability), stimming "stones" (though these are only a weak band-aid), brushing protocol, and sensory deprivation with the addition of some of my relaxing familiar music.

FWIW, I'm evidently sensory deprived and so I'm sensory seeking for self-regulation.

Anyone found other effective tools for soothing the overloaded nervous system? I know there must be more out there.

(11 Apr) Autism Awareness Month: Different Is Not The Same As Diseased

Nobody blames a jet ski for being bad on the highway. #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyAuDHD

https://s.faithcollapsing.com/2s66m
Archive: ais: https://archive.md/wip/gGPZc ia: https://s.faithcollapsing.com/85kbq

Currently reading Explaining AuDHD and this quote has me triggered

[Autistic people] can be literal in their though process, which makes subtext and metaphor challenging to comprehend. 'I'll be there in five minutes' means the actual five minutes to an autistic person.

WHY THE FLYING FUCK WOULD YOU SAY "5 MINUTES" IF YOU DON'T MEAN 5 MINUTES? WHY?!????!!!

Nearing my 2 year mark of self-realizing as #actuallyaudhd and began to find myself. I'm grateful for that. However, my well thought out statements or questions are almost always misunderstood. I rarely get a straight answer. Often met with befuddlement, resentment, exasperation and in some cases, hate.
Truth is I feel very alone and any sense of community (even here) seems beyond my grasp.
@actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd @actuallyadhd

@actuallyautistic People who can indefinitely maintain a desk this way are literally uncanny to me. #actuallyaudhd #actuallyautistic https://mastodon.social/@BasicAppleGuy/114285855864742064

I’m feeling stressed today in all honesty.

But at least I have eldritch cookies and bangers like this:

https://open.spotify.com/track/4c7p96bXh5NG3b1ofhLGfr?si=WnXj-SRPTnGynB9jkZ6TAg

-Allēna

#anxiety #NEISvoid #attaboy #cptsd #actuallyautistic #hypervigilance #stress #actuallyAudhd

Today I did a very simple DIY job using a drill and a jigsaw. The project took half an hour, but I called my partner half a dozen times to tell them about my progress and show them moderately interesting stuff (not really interesting, I just wanted to be interesting).

The DIVA questionnaire has a “Difficultly playing alone” checkbox in section A5. What. A. Surprise.

Been playing on https://www.erionmud.com and am thoroughly enjoying the crafting system. Having the option to just work uninterrupted, in familiar patterns, appeals to my #ActuallyAutistic need for structure and familiarity, while when my #ActuallyADHD side wants novelty, I can go wander the realm and see what pops up. And if I need something, I can make it myself, darn it! LOL If you try it out and need some pointers, I'm usually up there as Tamryn, so feel free to ask me anything.

***Hashtags Here:***
#ActuallyAuDHD #MUDs #MUD #Gaming #MultiUserDungeon #Neurodivergent

Presenting the finest spoof ad I’ve ever made:

RIP Steve Jobs. This design Advertising?? poking fun at?? object impermanence is for you.

-Allēna

#ActuallyADHD #apple #spoof #shitposting #actuallyautistic #actuallyAudhd #NEISvoid #objectimpermanence #iforgot #graphicdesign #neurodivergence

Some people are so _poisonous_ that not even understanding them is an effective _antidote_.

How does one recognize whether or not what one experienced was narcissistic abuse?

It's not like one can ask the hypothetical abuser. They will deny it. Is learning about the patterns of narcissistic abuse and subsequently recognizing them as how they show up in one's lived experience the best one can do?

I find that a very unsatisfactory conclusion but it does seem like the best one can do. I probably lived in a relationship with at least narcissistic abuse patterns. And the unsolvable ambiguity of it all bothers me.

I feel this must be a deeply autistic experience: the disbelief when people actually try to convince you that they didn't mean what they said. And I'm not talking subtext, I'm talking about the grammatical meaning of their verbatim words and sentences.

And then you ask them to clarify and through a convoluted sequence of justifications they end up at "see? And this is why I couldn't possibly have meant this!".

Like wat? Why did you say/write it then in the first place? So fucking confusing. But maybe the explanation really is that autistic people choose their words much more carefully. It's certainly our lived experience.

#neurodivergent #neurodivergence #ADHD #actuallyADHD #Autism #autistic #actuallyAutistic #AuDHD #actuallyAuDHD @actuallyautistic @actuallyaudhd

Today it has been four weeks taking MPH. And I must say, I don't think this is a placebo effect anymore. Focusing on work has become SO MUCH EASIER! There are still days when I'm low on energy that I can't get a lot of work done. But even on those days I'm able to do things when they are really urgent.

So I definitely still need to manage my spoons. MPH doesn't really increase my energy level. It just helps me managing my energy better on a daily basis.

I'm finally able to function again

I'm working on a new blog post about me and my stimming
Asked AI to make me an image. I edited it. Then I asked AI for a good Alt text. And I guess the word "stimming" is restricted? As it was being blocked by the app and it had big issues with giving me a good description.
Never thought that the word "stimming" would be a bad one, in need of censoring...

So, sharing the image here, as I hope that @altbot will be able to help me. As I do want to add an Alt text to the image on my blog.

We live in weird times these days... We can do "roman greetings", but we can't use the word "stimming".

Ello sweet and lovely Friendos

Some moments, I love my brain, other moments, I really hate the way it treats me...

Like, I know I want to do something. Or I know I need to do something. I make this plan of how I want to do it all. And then I agree that it's a good plan.

So, I start the plan. And it starts off well. Step one and two are a success. So then, onwards to step three. And that's when part of my brain goes like "nah, I've had enough now, I don't wanna do that other thing, I just dismiss it and then stress over it later, as then it really needs doing".

I just wanna do it as I planned it. Keep away the stress. Have it done ahead of time, so I can relax afterwards.

Even if it's "just" something that I want to do for me, that won't impact others in any way... Even then, I beat myself up over it.

Why does my brain think of this great plan, and then it won't want to finish all the steps? Why is it OK with the first two steps, before losing interest for the next one?

Is this the part where my ADHD part is rebelling against the autistic bits? Where the ADHD (my "focus" is apparently on the H bit, according to the diagnosis) is losing interest, as it's focused long enough and, hey, I did those two things, didn't I?!

Ah well, I pressured myself into not forgoing the third thing, and I'm doing it now. But I do hope I'll be able to focus enough on it to do a proper "job".

Yeah, my brain can be my best friend at times, but also my biggest enemy (especially when it's inviting the dark monster back into my life)...

Fankoos for your support on my journey through life...

#PixysJourney
#NeuroSpicy
#ActuallyAutistic
#ActuallyADHD
#ActuallyAuDHD

I hope @altbot can help me with my image, then I'll edit the Toot to add the alt text.

My #adhd super power is randomly making small but quite important objects vanish completely, never to be seen again.

In other news, if anyone has any idea where my comb might be, please let me know. Last remembered in the dish rack by the sink because it needed a wash, and I have a vague recollection of taking it out to put back and... maybe putting it on a flat surface? But it's not on any of them. It's not under or behind any of them.

Update: Found it!