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So let’s talk about prosopagnosia, or “faceblindness.” I have it! What this means is that I could well have known you for twenty years, but if I see you outside of the context in which I usually encounter you, or even if you change your hairstyle (!), I may simply not recognize you the next time we cross paths. It’s mortifying! I have literally introduced myself to people I’ve worked alongside for years – who are, entirely understandably, generally fairly miffed that I’ve treated them so poorly.
This has real social consequences, as I’m sure you can imagine. People who literally feel unseen are unlikely to feel super-warmly about someone so seemingly self-involved as to forget the people they meet. So *finally*, after decades of suffering through this, I’ve figured out a modest workaround, and I really recommend doing something like this if you, too, suffer from any degree of faceblindness. It’s a little embarrassing, but it seems to circumvent that larger, later mortification:
Whenever I meet someone new that I like – which is, y’know, often, because y’all can be some charming motherfuckers – I confess my faceblindness immediately and up front. I say something like, “Hey, if I run into you on the bus or around the neighborhood, and I seem to be giving you the cut direct, I swear I’m not! Please forgive me, and, if you will, indulge me by reminding me of your name and where we met.” I cannot tell you how much grief this has prevented. https://uncommon-courtesy.com/2014/10/01/the-cut-direct-the-fiercest-etiquette-punishment/
It really is that simple. I get that doing this little song-and-dance at the very beginning of a friendship may seem a little extra, a little performative even, but I think it’s worth it if it prevents me from hurting someone’s feelings for no better reason than a few glitchy connections in my fusiform gyrus. I wish I had started doing this *years* ago, but if you’re in the same boat, hopefully you can benefit from my experience before suffering with things for much longer? 
And finally, on reflection, I think my faceblindness is so distressing to me precisely because courtesy, decency, politeness and the respect bound up in what we mean when we say we “see” people are so important to me. They’re some of the few things standing between us and the abyss, fr fr, they’re hanging by a thread, and ideally I want to be enacting them in all my interactions with everyone who isn’t a complete shitbird.
In this regard, something clicked for me when, of all things, I first heard Hannibal Lecter describe Clarice Starling as “courteous and receptive to courtesy.” Lecter’s own elaborate courtesy did not, of course, interfere with him being a monster of the bloodiest sort, and that’s a principle we can attend to more generally and with great profit. But the idea that the awful grief so many of us carry all the time might be buffered, even a little, by something that amounts to a theater of kindness?
Yeah, sign me up for some of that, you know?
Oh, and: I think this is probably related in some way to why I find the slur “NPC” so profoundly offensive.
@adamgreenfield This has been on my mind as well this month. Generally I do remember faces reasonably well, but it is context specific, so if I encounter someone I know unexpectedly in an unfamiliar setting, I may flail. And video calls are the worst! I am now starting to meet people in real life who I may be rather well acquainted with through video connections, and it turns out I have an excellent chance of completely failing to recognize them. So many cues are stripped out.
Yeah, I definitely think there are some degrees of this which aren't actual faceblindness. I'm not faceblind but I think I'm on the not very quick end of the variation. I remember someone greeting me in a friendly way and me being inwardly like, "that seems like you know me but I have no idea who you are", and when I asked "where do I know you from", it was choir! So we'd been in the same room numerous times, but for my brain that wasn't enough to learn them.
But yeah I think the proactive announcement is very sensible! I know someone who's faceblind and tells people, and I do keep it in mind if I'm re-meeting them, and remind them my name.
@adamgreenfield I did not know this about you and it's good to know! Also I have learned about the cut direct which I am pretty happy to learn about. And I feel like the explanation, to my read, isn't really extra it's just a useful accessibility thing that a new friend would want to know. I have a local pal with face blindness and I'm always like "Hey it's Jessamyn" when I see him. Super easy for me, lower (possible) confusion level for him. We all win.
@jessamyn Also everyone should know about the cut direct! It’s the Tsar Bomba of social opprobrium. (To be used *very* sparingly.)
@adamgreenfield Well now I've also learned Tsar Bomba (and from that Wikipedia article the word bhangmeter). Such a great day for learning.