Pinned post

I know I've said this before but I was thinking about what I said last night about how revolutionary work requires us to learn how to relate differently and the whole influencer therapist thing and like, I think what feels dangerous to me is that people are *trying* to get at interdependence and struggling. On the one hand more and more people are talking about boundaries which is good but the message I think a lot of people internalize about them is dangerous and low key narcissistic.

Pinned post

Ok promised explanation on what anti-social empathy is (re: my earlier thread).

1) David Schnarch defines empathy as simply the ability to interpret the thoughts and emotions of another person/creature. This is an inherent ability that everyone has, it is reptilian brain stuff- it's how you look at a snarling dog and know it's a good idea to back off.

Pinned post

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

1) There's this thing our brains do in the face of interpersonal trauma called "spaghetti brain" as defined by David Schnarch (zikhrono livrakha) where our brain literally cannot integrate an experience because our mind map (also ala Schnarch) of the person hurting us is inaccurate. Memory fragments and we suffer all kinds of fall out from this, our level of functioning literally has to be lowered to accommodate

Pinned post

Call outs and anti-social empathy thread

1) For a long time I've been pretty pro- the "call-out culture isn't real" camp until I read a book over the summer about trauma and neurobiology that breaks down the concept of something called "anti-social empathy" (I talked about this awhile ago I'm thinking of going through and pinning some old posts so maybe check that later). Anti-social empathy is something literally everyone engages in, but some people operate more from that space than others.

Pinned post

Fun fact I came up with my username because the day I made this account I had just seen a tweet made by an Italian-American woman who desperately wanted to feel oppressed and said WAP was offensive for being named after the anti-italian slur and "wet ass papers" popped in my mind and I thought it was the funniest shit.

I haven't been on Facebook or Instagram for months and only scroll Twitter for like 2 minutes every couple of weeks. My brain is always very happy when I take extended social media breaks but something feels kind of different this time. I legit feel like Facebook is kind of dying and Instagram is on the decline too. And with Musk buying Twitter I'm curious what will happen over there as well.

Popping in to see how many people are moving over here bc of Twitter being bought ๐Ÿ‘€

Thank you for all the responses to my question about setting up a kids only instance! For some reason my mobile app hasn't been giving me push notifications so I didn't even think to check if I got any responses until now ๐Ÿ˜… I blame my absolute garbage phone.

I've been having a lot of conversations about kids and social media and I feel that having a safe space for my kid to keep up with peers online would be great and with current research on social media impact on brain and identity development I have no intention of letting them on the big sites until they are an older teenager at least and have a chance to develop critical thinking and literacy around marketing and the psychological impact of social media.

Show thread

Is it possible to set up a mastodon instance and have all other instances blocked?

I'd be interested in setting something up that my kid could use and invite friends and peers to that could be collectively moderated by the parents.

This isn't brunch on the weekends kind of relationships. It's not even "hey neighbor can I have a cup of sugar." This is "we are raising our children together" kind of relationships. And pushing ourselves to imagine this in the same way we imagine roads being torn up and green spaces and bike paths being put in it's place is exactly how we undo capitalist alienation.

Show thread

I think about this all the time, and it feels insurmountable because it would take so much to completely reconfigure our cities to implement community-oriented infrastructure. That's not even getting into how capitalist individualism is burned into our brains and how we imagine relating to each other.

Show thread

The mothers envisioned and implemented a system where homes were structured in such a way that children had a safe space to play where parents could watch them while doing work inside of the home. And it was like a communal thing- not like single family house style with a backyard or something. Anyone could look out and keep an eye on kids playing in a communal play space.

Show thread

I remember reading an article a few years ago now that talked about initiatives I think in Cuba (I've tried and failed to find this article so apologies if I'm butchering this) where engineers/experts in home construction were sent out to envision housing for rural communities and teach them how to build their own homes.

Show thread

I think every single day about what child and family friendly infrastructure would look like. Like socially and practically. Like I think about the huge movement of people who want to see cities completely revamped to be more public transit and pedestrian friendly. Well we need to start thinking of this in terms of child rearing too.

As long as child rearing is done in an isolated context rather than a communal one, children's autonomy will be restricted by the limitations parents face.

If you want to support kids- you need to be doing your part to destroy the norms of the nuclear family and make domestic and child rearing affairs communal.

Show thread

Instead of antagonizing parents on the internet, try encouraging and emphasizing non-parents in particular to take action that will support your goals: help parents keep clean houses, prep meals, be a safe and trustworthy presence in a child's life so that a parent may also maintain their own autonomy.

Show thread

I love that we're starting to be more critical of things like bed times and emphasizing valuing children's autonomy but this move absolutely needs to be situated in a complete restructuring of how child rearing is even done.

Show thread

People seem to somehow think that having a child magically puts someone in a position where they have full agency over their own lives and I NEED TO EMPHASIZE that not only do parents face the same limitations everyone else does under capitalism, but the labor of keeping a child safe and healthy and attending to their developmental needs only places way more burden onto parents that non-caregivers cannot even fathom.

Show thread

I'm honestly truly enlivened by the youth liberation conversation but I really need people to be very clear about structural limitations that the majority of parents are under and stop acting like it's a clear cut "parents are the oppressors and children are the oppressed" thing.

It's also a bit ironic to me that the right tends to view itself as strong and self-reliant individuals in contrast to left wing "snowflakes" because ultimately the inability to differentiate is about fear.

To be so afraid to make decisions that benefit people other than yourself because you fear losing your identity says that you actually have no idea who you really are and that you're avoiding the anxiety of connection and caring relationship to others.

Show thread

Ideally a healthy society will place value on both things: the freedom and personhood of the individual and the wellness of the collective.

Differentiation is the key to that.

Show thread

I think this is also an example of how lack of differentiation manifests on the right vs how it tends to manifest on the left. Values of individual freedom vs values that are more collectively minded. For example I think toxic social justice culture illustrates a lack of differentiation in the opposite direction: people subduing their individuality and autonomy in service of a shallow attempt at community cohesion.

Show thread

She is responsible for managing her own anxiety, her anxiety will not potentially permanently disable or kill vast swathes of people (unless you wanna say that her mask anxiety likely lead to other people getting infected ๐Ÿ‘€).

Show thread

Once when I remarked that I choose to wear a mask to protect myself and to do my part to protect the immunocompromised one woman told me that seeing masks made her anxious and asked if I was thinking about her. A complete inability to prioritize something like risk of lifelong disease complications or even death over her feelings of anxiety.

Show thread
Show older
social.coop

A Fediverse instance for people interested in cooperative and collective projects.