Here is a question for neurodivergent folks, especially those on the autism spectrum.
When I'm doing something the way it is supposed to be done and there are problems or errors that should be impossible, I get irrationally angry and have a "come apart".
I stamped my feet, ranted, cussed, and had a crying fit this week because an application I use at work was doing that.
I was using it the same way I have been but the results were nonsense, elements of the UI were vanishing, auto-completing new steps based on the output of previous steps was saying there was no output even when I could see it, it was giving incredibly vague error messages that I've never seen before that essentially said, "not sure why this happened, call the vendor". Then my support engineer was so busy that he didn't get my messages until too late to help me do anything.
Eventually, I killed everything running on my system and rebooted and some of the issues went away, but not all of them.
Turns out they may have been having back-end problems so it wasn't anything I was doing "wrong".
That didn't make it feel any less infuriating. I was doing is right why was it breaking and breaking in impossible ways.
I've still have some impossible errors today and I still get very upset.
I work from home so all my carrying on is audible only by my wife and she's not a fan. I have gotten up and gone down the basement before if it's really bad, but I typically spend 15 seconds or so getting worked up and then get over it.
So, how do you handle this sort of thing? How do you handle your outbursts and mini-meltdowns?
My wife has ADHD but doesn't really "get" autism and I've spent the first 25 years of our marriage trying super hard to mask all the behavior away.
My meltdowns look just like toxic masculine behavior. I was a dude for the first 15 years of our marriage before discovering I was transgender, so I have that baggage.
I don't want to look like a toxic man-baby.
How do I handle this?
How do I explain it?
How do I keep myself from over-masking again which leads to much bigger blow-ups?
What sorts of conversations should I have.
What kinds of resources could I turn to for help with coping?
I hate this part of myself, to be completely honest. I feel as if I have a well-spring of barely repressed rage.
I can tell my wife that I would never hurt her. I never have and I never will. But from her point of view, from the point of view of neurotypical people, rage is rage. If I can rage at a computer program, I could probably rage a pet, I could probably rage at a stranger, I could probably rage at someone I love.
To them, they are all the same.
But it isn't the same.
How do I explain that?
How do I explain it to myself in a way that I will believe? I still think I'm capable of hitting someone I love because I had an abusive step-dad for 13 years as a kid and teenager. I've seen it. I still think that could be even though I've never hurt another person on purpose even out of anger.
But how can I believe that?
How can "this rage" not be the same as "that rage"?
After transitioning, I thought that was it. I thought I knew myself.
But ADHD and then Autism both said, "but wait, there's more."
So, what can I do here?
How can I reconcile this rage with reality and with other people's expectations?
What can I say?
, #Israel 
, #Russland 
und auch der #EU 
wohl nicht ganz so grandios wie gedacht zu laufen? 
https://scilogs.spektrum.de/natur-des-glaubens/der-missbrauch-des-guten-namens-von-simon-wiesenthal-durch-us-trump-dualisten/
:EA DATA. SF: 
