There once was a farm boy named jake
who yearned so much for a date
when he ran out of luck
he made due with a duck
The village priest pronounced them husband and mate

Said a fool whose mind was quite miniscule
As his ignorance reached a new pinnacle
'I don't believe in astrology
It's my ideology
But I'm a Leo and Leo's are cynical

There was a young tease from Mount Chesser
Who'd smile as the men would assess her
So flirtatious was she
Inviting them home to tea
Then allowing not one to undress her

Twas a crazy old man called O'Keef
Who caused local farmers much grief
To their cows he would run
Cut their legs off for fun
And say 'Look, I've invented ground beef

Now down in the valley of Shneel
Lived a woman who loved to reveal
With her curtains well drawn
Standing bare as a fawn
She'd do this really neat trick with an eel

On the moors Kelly walked in a daze
There she'd bark at the moon and the haze
Still her friends weren't concerned
For by now they had learned
Once a month she would go through this phase.
(author's note to the ladies: 'She was a
werewolf. Now is it funny

A pirate, history relates
Was scuffling with some of his mates
When he slipped on a cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates

I talked to an onion this week,
But she cried when she started to speak;
For she said she'd been left
All alone and bereft
When her boyfriend went out for a leek

There once was a man Robin Hood
Who lived in a Knottingham wood
He learned how to f**k
from old Friar Tuck
And made Marion whenever he could

The air quality sensors have been reporting poor air at the following locations:
Abbeyfeale, #Limerick 55µg/m³ high

Spouse of a pretty young thing
came home from war in the spring
he was lame, but he came
with his hand on his cane
a discharge is a wonderful thing

I had some #limerick fun with the #prompt word #school:

An old boor who believes that he's hot
Is considered decidedly NOT.
He's called "too cool for school"
And an "arrogant fool
With less charm than your average bot."

There once was a man named Doug
Who had an abroller on his rug
On it he was wacking
Goin to town just jacking
Trying to fill up his drinking mug

Old Mustapha stays in his rooms
Over which the Great Pyramid looms
Sketching caricatures
Which the art-world reviewers
Consider the greatest Khartoums

There once was a man name of Able,
Who played with himself 'neath the table,
His organ was lengthy,
And tremendously strengthly,
Our Able should live in a stable

A man-hating stripper from Leicester
Had boils she encouraged to feicester.
They seemed to detract
From the strength of her act
But at least no-one tried to moleicester

World Piano Day (celebrated on the 88th day of each year) gives me a good excuse to post this limerick:

There once was a man from Belize
Who had a huge urge to sneeze.
His nose was itching
Because he was snitching
Forbidden fruit under the trees

Cruel Julie did have in her hands
An abundance of strong rubber bands
She shot one at me
And hit my wee wee
And injured my organs and glands

A possessive young fellow from Maine,
tied his wife to the sink with a chain.
The chain soon was rusted,
the husband got busted,
And communal showers mean pain