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Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

1) There's this thing our brains do in the face of interpersonal trauma called "spaghetti brain" as defined by David Schnarch (zikhrono livrakha) where our brain literally cannot integrate an experience because our mind map (also ala Schnarch) of the person hurting us is inaccurate. Memory fragments and we suffer all kinds of fall out from this, our level of functioning literally has to be lowered to accommodate

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

2) for the incongruity in a relationship should we be in a position where it needs to be maintained (maybe like with parents or something). Memory itself is usually not very hard to recall, even when trauma has caused us to literally block stuff out, it's actually the mind map of the person who harmed us that is missing. Once this is corrected, we are able to integrate the memory and functioning improves. The incongruity usually

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

3) has something to do with the fact that our brains short circuit when a person does something awful to us because we cannot fathom someone would... Like do that thing!! I've been thinking about this in context of the call out culture conversation and how, to me,

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

4) so much of the issue with the anti-callout culture ppl comes right down to this: the unwillingness to believe that someone could do something awful to another person, and that they probably did it for self-serving reasons. But THE THING IS that literally EVERYBODY does some pretty gross self-serving things to varying degrees. Yes, everybody and the ones who think their hands are clean are not to be trusted because it's just a lie.

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

5) Schnarch literally refused to work with couples who said shit like "I would never hurt you intentionally" because it's a lie- to him, the primary problem is not that the harm is happening. The primary problem is that people are ~denying~ it. To themselves and to others. Because as long as it's being denied, it cannot be corrected. The more I've started to unpack this the more I wish for the love of G-d

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

6) we would start talking across the call out culture discourse about this, about the neurobiology of trauma, about anti-social empathy. The point of whether or not call outs are good seems moot. They are both good and harmful at the same time, and I'm not just talking about harm to abusers, I'm talking about the ways that call outs fracture communities and often neatly place a circle of anti-survivor enablers right into abusers laps.

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

7) If we could effectively intervene with abusers, call outs would be rendered irrelevant. So let's talk about how anti-social empathy is REAL. Let's talk about how power seeking in relationships is real. And let's talk about cultivating the ability to hold that balance of care and pressure that has shown to be most effective in rehabilitating abusers.

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

@wetpaper not me writing all of this down for later. trauma response neurology and its correspondence with callout culture is something ive Never considered before. thank u for providing Food for my Brain /gen

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

@wetpaper does this mean that our brain is refusing to accept that someone is hurting us because we have an idea of them as someone we trust, so when they do something that hurts us our brain just goes 鈥渘ope鈥 and impairs function to protect us from that reality?

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

@SpookSpectre pretty much, yes! Maybe another way to say it is that the violation on its own is harmful enough, but that our brain registers that there is awareness and intent there is a shock of it's own. Which like, the intent may or may not be known to the person doing the harmful thing in the moment. (Pt 1 this got long had to split it up)

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

@SpookSpectre (2) Something interesting a friend of mine who studied with Schnarch said is that even people who do really awful things actually give themselves spaghetti brain and fail to access accurate mind maps of themselves when trying to access a memory of something they did.

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

@wetpaper this makes sense to me, a lot of abusers will flat out deny the things they have done. Maybe I鈥檓 being too generous but it makes more sense to me that abusers would so consistently and drastically twist reality/memory due to spaghetti brain rather than straight up lying.

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

@SpookSpectre (1) well I think it's a bit of both- I think there is spaghetti brain for sure that's an element, but we're also very bad as humans at using self-reflection as a tool for understanding ourselves. Unfortunately that's become kind of the buzz phrase in pop psychology "no one knows you better than you know yourself" but decades of psychological research actually shows that to be untrue.

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

@wetpaper Lately I am especially cognizant of how difficult self reflection is. I鈥檓 working through a book with a group rn and the current chapter is projection and judgment and even when I KNOW what the judgment I鈥檓 having is it鈥檚 still VERY difficult to try and figure out the underlying fear.

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

@SpookSpectre I have a really hard time with self-reflection too. Especially since realizing that I'm not actually the sole expert on me lol. Have you heard of the johari window? Something I rely on pretty heavily is feedback from people I can trust to tell me the truth- like even if it's gonna hurt my ego or not be what I wanna hear. It helps me examine things more deeply than just trying to figure it out myself.

Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

@SpookSpectre (2) Schnarch talks about all this too- like that the most reliable way to understand our own intention is to look honestly at our behavior and ask ourselves what intentions that speaks to. If we rely on people to just self-report, everyone is going to say that they have the kindest of intentions and didn't mean any harm when our behavior betrays our true intentions all the time.

re: Trauma, neurobiology, call out culture thoughts 

@SpookSpectre @wetpaper This explains so goddamn much about my life, right up to a betrayal I suffered two months ago.

Thank you for posting. Going to be sitting with this.

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