Wow. Yeah, this about sums up what it's like living with sometimes.

(Which, BTW, isn't just an / symptom, but also appears in , serious , and )

"Executive dysfunction is a problem with the organ responsible for making decisions in the first place. When it stops working properly, stops being able to decide between doing this or doing that or doing nothing at all, you end up just going with what comes naturally. You fidget. You kill time. You wait, in expectation of a decision to wait no longer. It may be a long time coming."

@muninn autism as well, allowing for how specialized interests can be more like "super buffer, always full" or similar

@shoutcacophony @muninn it seems very cross cutting. The wikipedia page has a section that covers many of them.

Everything from brain damage to the frontal lobes to more specific disorders (schizophrenia, autism etc), and also stuff that hits the whole brain (Parkinsons, Alzheimer's), along with stuff like depression and just being excessively stressed.

The disorder itself has many facets, from planning and memory issues, odd sense of time, etc.

@ultimape @muninn exactly. in that regard, i have this weird thing where i'll being rehearsing a piece of writing, and i'll hit a sort of glitch/comma, that sounds like i'm getting the articulation wrong.

if i push into it, it's like "ok, i speak in tongues now" when i read the line, not "ok, slower means more space to articulate" as is "normal." if i slow it down, it can become closer to english.

if i fragment the line, it's back to standard english. longer line? back to glossolalia land lol

@ultimape @muninn and more everyday functions can be like *loses track of the breakfast plate* *notices it, does a sub-task* *loses track of it again*, but singular tasks are fine

@ultimape @muninn my guess is that it's somewhat like a buffer overflow or "exceeded memory capacity" error for short term memory, but who knows. seems to fit though. long-term memory is fine

@shoutcacophony @muninn Ah, I had that same exact plate forgetting problem too - it manifested the worst in my mornings. With added agitation and mood swings.

Given how interconnected all of the disorders are, I actually found out autism types tend to have low cortisol in the morning. I was researching 'sundowning' in Alzheimer's and guessed it was probably a serotonin /circadian rhythm related problem I was hitting.

Ritual/routine help, but that requires lots of order.

@shoutcacophony @muninn I've basically complete disregarded point-in-time measures of cortisol in my studies now. In most cases of autism, the cortisol is high thru the day, but not in the morning. For allistic people, the reverse tends to be true - With a spike of cortisol in the morning helping people 'wake up'.

Thinking of it as my brain being asleep has helped me cope better and find strategies to mitigate it by targeting stuff that improves cortisol/serotonin directly.

@shoutcacophony @muninn Its kinda a broken record at this point, but the saying of how exercise helps with all of this stuff - I think it because of odd things to do with how muscle/fat composition affects the circadian rhythm.

And I think the interplay of all of that with insulin levels is why better diets, exercise, and fasting all seem to help with Alzheimer's symptoms.

It really is all interconnected in a very complex way.

@ultimape @muninn right, agreed. that's one of the reasons i asked, my first impulse is to be like "cool, add it to the specialized interest task list"

later: ok, tired, but must keep going

@ultimape @muninn interesting, do you have generalized info on this? tbh, i don't know enough about the specific etiologies here make sense of that, save for cortisol = stress, serotonin = euphoria, which i know is crude at best

@shoutcacophony @muninn I haven't found anything that is approachable to a layman. is really good at covering the autism/cortisol specific link if you're comfortable with science paper writing.

I started learning this stuff here: after reading "why zebras don't get ulcers" and spidering out from that.

@ultimape @muninn *nods* it's definitely complex, as well as sometimes being fraught with possible complications or even forms of data corruption, such as "the higher the child’s parent-reported daily stress" with emphasis on "parent-reported", which is...potentially complicated

@ultimape i also have issues with a lot of these studies in terms of funding and emphasis, because they're a lot more about "finding a cure" than "how can we provide a range of tools to help autistic people function in a neurotypical society, if they so choose".

but the science itself is interesting, granted

@shoutcacophony Agree. In the end I was reading thru to gather information/measurements and explore hunches and kinda ignored the operating models and motivations they had. I mean, theres only so many ways you can f*ck up measing cortisol (tho I did explore variations in cortisol among stuff like blood/urine/sweat etc just incase).

Very much focused on the tool searching aspect myself. I hate the "find a cure" junk.

@shoutcacophony I wasn' able to measure my own cortisol levels sadly, but
this idea:
"This cortisol awakening response provides a useful endophenotype in the search for genes that may affect hypothalamic-pituitary adrenocortical functioning in children."

Made me realize I could find out all of this stuff thru a gene test. Massively lowered my search space for effective tools knowing it *WAS* a cortisol problem and not just some psychological thing that needed therapy.

@ultimape to each their own, but tbh, i don't care about if my cortisol levels are high or not in that particular way. but that's me

what would help, and i'm working on: knowing how to avoid alexithymic stressors, and how to address things when it happens

@ultimape i'm going to have to leave things there, though. best of luck to you

@muninn Oh man, I ... I can relate to this very much as of recently.

@muninn aghshdhgdsjhsgsvsbsbgdggg this is so accurate BIGGEST MOOD

@muninn Oh wow, this is a fascinating read. It is very similar to some of the ways my major depressive disorder seems to manifest too.

It’s always nice to see people’s accounts of the difficulties they face, because clinical information, while important, isn’t always helpful in understanding people’s experiences.

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