I'm feeling the stress of the winter holiday season start to creep in. I don't know why these holidays, that are ostensibly about giving thanks & giving to others, carry so much anxiety in my family. We all genuinely care for each other, but slip into strange modes of behavior at this time of year--myself included.

In some ways it seems like the stress of a performance: will it be good enough and different--will it be genuine,, will it convince, will someone do it better than me. Is this totally weird or do other people feel some variation of this?

I know. I am lucky & privileged to have these problems. I guess part of my issue with these holidays is how inward looking they are. But they don't have to be, and the best of them is the way they provide a rare occasion for the youngest to interact with the oldest, since we are all so spread out. Maybe it is partly this awareness of how few of these holidays there are, and how time and our connections are fleeting & fragile. There is an undercurrent of that for sure.

Maybe this one, post (but not post at all) pandemic, has turned the anxiety dial up more than usual, and made it more noticeable?

Alternate hypothesis: I am a grumbly old misanthrope--as solitary as an oyster, or constantly aiming to be, while also being concerned that I will succeed. In other words: the worst ;-)

@edsu Is it weird? I don't know, but whatever it is... I am intimately familiar with it. I felt it more back in the day when we lived closer to fam & long-held friends (and when people actually visited one another). But yes, this strikes a chord.

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